![]() In a previous post, " How to Pull Good Things Out of Others," I wrote (to paraphrase): “Who we are turns out to be largely a function of who we’re with. But you're not even responsible for your mood.You can influence it, meaning with a strategic response you can increase the likelihood that it will improve, but that won't happen if your strategy is simply to indulge your own emotional reaction. Keep this mantra at the front of your mind at all times: You cannot control your partner's mood. ![]() If you get angry at your partner for being anxious ( anxiety often makes people annoying, for instance) that won't just fail to help your partner manage his or her anxiety it will often make his or her anxiety worse, as well as create conflict between you even though the issue raising his or her anxiety in the first place may have nothing to do with you or your relationship at all. When I get angry at my wife for getting angry, that only makes her angry at me. Your own emotional reaction to your partner's bad mood, if indulged and expressed, will often make a bad situation worse. Take responsibility for your own mood, not your partner's.Why? Because I don't like having to deal with angry people (it's not rational, I know, but emotional reactions often aren't). For example, when my wife gets irritated at someone, I often become irritated at her. Often-but certainly not always-your reaction to your partner's mood will be to mimic it (i.e., he's down so you become down she's angry so you become angry, and so on). In medical school, students are taught that if they find themselves feeling depressed when interviewing a patient it's often because the patient is depressed. Identify and understand your typical reactions to your partner's bad moods.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |